OM45GE - Posted - 01/15/2016:  15:30:01

can talk a snake out of its skin. 

Why you would want

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/16/2016:  02:08:07

to do that is beyond me.

I think it would be better to talk a woman into

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/16/2016:  06:06:56

baking a cake with a file in it.

However, prison guards

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2016:  07:54:23

have been known to confiscate any cakes coming into the prison. 

They might find

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/16/2016:  08:27:55

some love notes in there too.

The guards soon became wise to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2016:  09:32:31

the various escape plots but looked the other way on a few of them whilst they counted their cash. 

They made sure

jistgreg - Posted - 01/16/2016:  09:36:57

that a turnstile was installed at the exit that accepted cash, Visa and Mastercard. 

"It's the 21st century," 

Edited by - jistgreg on 01/16/2016 09:37:31

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/16/2016:  10:19:32

said real estate agent Biff Landless,"and I'm open for business!"

All you ex-cons

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2016:  11:39:31

can just stay away because we know you haven't really been rehabilitated. 

If you can prove

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/16/2016:  12:41:33

you have cash we'll sell to you.

Otherwise I'll have Grandma place you in

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/16/2016:  13:22:20

the farm bunkhouse, and you can sweat out your demons in the cornfield.

The business end of a hoe

jistgreg - Posted - 01/16/2016:  20:23:33

may be more attractive than a bro, but you've got to prioritize. 

If I had a dollar from every hoe I've passed by, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/17/2016:  02:22:45

I'd have enough money to go to Burger King.

Don't try to talk with

OM45GE - Posted - 01/17/2016:  07:32:19

me about the time I didn't pass a hoe. 

It was the worst

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/17/2016:  09:12:31

bowel movement I ever had.

Speaking of movements

OM45GE - Posted - 01/17/2016:  12:04:59

I tried to join the SDS only to learn they haven't been active since 1969. 

It's the story of my life, I'm always

jistgreg - Posted - 01/17/2016:  23:47:35

a day late and a dollar short. 

If I had a T.A.R.D.I.S. and unlimited funds, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/18/2016:  08:13:21

I'd hire a bodyguard who doubles as an interpreter to explain acronyms to me.

My English teacher

OM45GE - Posted - 01/18/2016:  09:41:38

had a terrible stutter and sounded a lot like Porky Pig.

It was difficult for her to

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/18/2016:  11:49:26

communicate with any of her students.

So she began using sign language and

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/18/2016:  12:58:39

smoke signals, but ended up burning her desk into a pile of ashes.

Her fondness for

OM45GE - Posted - 01/18/2016:  13:06:06

Cuban cigars and single malt Scotches was a source of amusement and intrigue with her students.

They wondered why

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/18/2016 13:06:34

jistgreg - Posted - 01/18/2016:  13:14:46

she claimed to be an English teacher when she wasn't English. 

I suspect she was 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/18/2016:  13:27:45

hiding an unsavoury past.

Either that or she

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/18/2016:  13:43:38

didn't know who she was.

Then,just when everything was going good

jistgreg - Posted - 01/18/2016:  14:03:35

everybody was run over by a truck. 

She was the best d@m truck-drivin' mama in town, and 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/18/2016:  14:23:26

was quite proud that she took the entire group down without having to back up and make a second pass.

She planned to paint

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/18/2016:  17:27:48

the town red, but Officer Malloy had other plans for her.

He gave her a bucket of institutional grey

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/18/2016:  17:46:41

and a 24" roller.

She was wishing that Tom Sawyer would

jistgreg - Posted - 01/18/2016:  21:27:51

work his magic on the other inmates, but wishing never made a thing so. 

Except perhaps when 

MWBailey - Posted - 01/18/2016:  23:25:51

one wishes upon a stair.

That wasn't a typographical error, I just had a really shocking

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/19/2016:  01:33:33

experience of ascension on my electric stair climber.

Pat Boone was in my ear

jistgreg - Posted - 01/19/2016:  01:46:31

and Little Richard was in my heart. 

With a song on my lips, I  

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2016:  03:46:06

climbed imaginary stairs for several hours until I suddenly realized I mush have resembled a hamster on an excercize wheel. 

I got off the infernal machine and

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/19/2016:  04:39:03

went straight to the gym.

It's amazing how those girls can

jistgreg - Posted - 01/19/2016:  04:45:38

can can. 

They also do a mean poke-ah when they wear their poke-ah-dot dresses and  

Edited by - jistgreg on 01/19/2016 04:46:24

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2016:  05:13:52

dance in front of the mirrors at the gym.

I have a difficult time

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/19/2016:  07:18:01

keeping my eyes in their sockets.

But none the less,,it's a

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2016:  07:51:17

pretty strong incentive to keep working out.

I don't know if they even

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/19/2016:  08:08:35

consider it being incentive or not?

It doesn't matter because they

jistgreg - Posted - 01/19/2016:  08:17:38

misspelled "incentive" as "insensitive." 

Or maybe they meant "insensitive" when they were upset about the tranny in the ladies' locker room, I 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/19/2016:  09:30:25

don't know why Buford wants to work on his transmission there.

A grease monkey

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2016:  12:10:28

doesn't usually dress in lacy panties and a frilly push up bra, but who am I to make fun of Buford's hobbies.

After all, I've been known to

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/19/2016:  15:04:42

watch Buford while he dresses.

One time of that is enough to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2016:  16:29:56

put you off voyeurism for the rest of your life.

My retinas are still stinging and I don't think

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/19/2016:  16:56:14

my stomach will ever quit doing backflips.



Rebuilt trannys

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/19/2016 16:56:38

jistgreg - Posted - 01/19/2016:  19:06:51

are as bad as rebuilt grannies, with their lifted nooks and crannies. 

We not only didn't recognize her after the surgery, we didn't want to 

Edited by - jistgreg on 01/19/2016 19:07:38

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/20/2016:  02:48:07

pay the Doctors for their trouble.

Mean while,,back at the swimming hole,,Sally was

OM45GE - Posted - 01/20/2016:  03:26:22

cutting a fine figure in her new bikini. 

The boys were