MWBailey - Posted - 03/08/2016:  14:01:01

And I said that yes, I would.

Unfortunately, the warden showed up then with his whip and chair, and said,

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/08/2016:  14:26:03

"Listen bub, I spent some time training Bengals in Cincinnati, so don't give me any lip."

With that he cracked

OM45GE - Posted - 03/08/2016:  16:44:09

his whip and threw me a raw steak, which was odd considering I was a pro football player.

He must have thought

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/09/2016:  06:32:26

that was pretty smart.

Then he said,,I'm going to teach you

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/09/2016:  06:35:11

an inside out pattern, very handy when eluding Amazon women.

It's best not to

OM45GE - Posted - 03/09/2016:  09:55:45

look over your shoulder when they're chasing you down like that.

It slows you down and

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/09/2016:  11:45:46

before you know it you'll be raw meat for those bruisers.

Brazilians from Ipanema

OM45GE - Posted - 03/09/2016:  13:58:26

can be some of the most beautiful women in the world.

They don't have much time for

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/09/2016:  15:03:19

Amazonian muscle building, but sway with the samba beautifully.

My Portuguese is a little rusty

OM45GE - Posted - 03/10/2016:  03:27:11

so I just talk louder with a heavy accent. 

It doesn't seem very effective 

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/10/2016:  09:32:00

because they don't listen anyway.

Some of then just grab onto

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/10/2016:  09:35:41

my lapels and push me up against a wall.

The secret police

OM45GE - Posted - 03/10/2016:  10:00:45

are having trouble gaining credibility with the skeptics in the town.

No one seems to believe

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/10/2016:  12:30:32

they have authority there.

The police chief requires that they all wear

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/10/2016:  12:45:30

incognito trash collectors' clothes ,preferably unwashed, to fool unsuspecting buskers without city permits.



Many a banjo player

 

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/10/2016 12:46:20

OM45GE - Posted - 03/11/2016:  03:43:02

has been surprised when what appeared to be a trash collector suddenly snapped the cuffs on him and started reciting his Miranda rights. 

The trip to the station

Edited by - OM45GE on 03/11/2016 03:43:15

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/11/2016:  04:15:29

was very pleasant though.

But those striped inmate uniforms don't

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/11/2016:  04:31:57

measure up to dress codes for the chapel services.

Bow ties were issued

OM45GE - Posted - 03/11/2016:  05:02:13

but none of the banjo players knew how to tie one. 

Fortunately, the bass player

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/11/2016:  06:43:58

tied everyone's tie like he ties his shoestrings.

The ties didn't hang just right but

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/11/2016:  09:42:52

the chaplain lobbied to abolish public hangings in the jail courtyard.

The issued suits upon release

OM45GE - Posted - 03/11/2016:  10:33:43

never fit very well and were made quite cheaply so everyone recognized the ex-cons immediately.

It made it difficult for them to

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/11/2016:  13:17:36

escape in modern fashion.

The warden told them to

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/11/2016:  13:20:59

head for skidrow where nobody would shun them.

Gainful employment there

OM45GE - Posted - 03/11/2016:  16:45:11

is pretty much non-existent.

However, they can

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/11/2016:  17:15:37

take as many breaks as they want.

Never take a job that

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/11/2016:  17:34:20

demands that you break kneecaps or tend a cement mixer to make shoes.

Payday for thugs

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/11/2016:  18:05:06

simply means,,"see ya at Sam & Joe's Bar"

Naw,I'm only joking.It really means

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/11/2016:  20:18:19

get outta town fast, cuz the heat's on.

A black Caddy with bullet holes

OM45GE - Posted - 03/12/2016:  08:41:54

was probably not owned by a little old lady who only drove it to go to church and shopping. 

It's more likely to have been

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/12/2016:  09:31:27

in a Saturday night joyride with some Florida rednecks..

They also use real bullets when

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/12/2016:  10:39:12

when warding off Everglades gators and game wardens.

My swamp boat

OM45GE - Posted - 03/14/2016:  03:20:30

is saw here out in the swamp. 

I haven't seen it since I

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/14/2016:  07:17:02

went missing for 7 weeks last year.

I found myself

OM45GE - Posted - 03/14/2016:  07:43:53

laying on a small island, covered in mud an mosquito bites with the swamp boat nowhere to be found.

I have a few theories about what

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/14/2016:  17:48:02

Tom and Huck went through.

Aunt Polly soon put a stop

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/14/2016:  17:53:41

to their shenanigans by reading them the riot act and making them dress in tight britches and bow ties.

Becky Thatcher was

jistgreg - Posted - 03/14/2016:  22:21:56

busy thatching a Swiss chalet while her cousin Imogene was down on her knees, working hard in the yard, punching holes in cheese. 

I miss 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/15/2016:  03:32:27

the third grade, it was the best four years of my life.

The teacher was

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/15/2016:  08:14:01

a real looker, but was as cold-hearted as a Montreal hooker in January.

Her favorite punishment

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/15/2016:  15:39:15

was making the boys strip down to their scivies and sending them outside for 30 minutes.

But she made the girls pull

OM45GE - Posted - 03/16/2016:  03:25:07

the shades down so they wouldn't be corrupted by the sight of the boys shivering in their tightie whities. 

What she didn't know was that the girls had

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/16/2016:  05:33:56

plans to tie her up and go join the boys outside.

All went well till one of the girls

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/16/2016:  07:40:52

confessed her gender ambiguity.

Dumbfounded, the others

OM45GE - Posted - 03/17/2016:  03:30:00

started to question their own long held assumptions about gender identity and they ended up in an all day discussion. 

Meanwhile, the boys were

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/17/2016:  09:35:44

outside freezing their buns off.

One of the girls said to another,,Hey,do you want to

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/17/2016:  11:28:56

goalie pads on Jimmy and take shots at him.

Pucks are scarce

OM45GE - Posted - 03/18/2016:  03:21:34

in Tahiti, but the locals don't seem to care. 

They are too busy

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/18/2016:  03:57:21

watching basketball on TV.

One of them said,,"Hey,Look at