chuckv97 - Posted - 03/18/2020:  17:35:01

since breakdowns, in the psychological sense, in that remote part of the world are almost non-existent.

Folks there smoke the dried leaves of

OM45GE - Posted - 03/19/2020:  04:25:29

a little known variety of rhubarb.

It’s effects range from a mild euphoria to

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/19/2020:  06:37:48

multiple personality disorder. The census department is very sophisticated.

Your doctor could be

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/19/2020:  07:53:42

a KGB agent with an altruistic bent.

He often says

OM45GE - Posted - 03/19/2020:  10:45:10

nothing about what he actually does for a living but he makes it sound very generous.

After he leaves, I realize

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/19/2020:  13:43:40

my souvenir Soviet Red Army belt buckle is missing.

Seems a strange

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/19/2020:  15:20:08

souvenir to be carrying around, but it gives me bragging rights at my local watering hole.

Years ago I stowed away on a Russian steamer

OM45GE - Posted - 03/19/2020:  15:20:57

but was quickly discovered and put ashore at the next port of call. 

Unfortunately, that was 

Edited by - OM45GE on 03/19/2020 15:22:06

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/19/2020:  18:00:52

a ghost ship in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle.

The sailors looked like they were from the 1940s

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/19/2020:  21:39:19

but they directed me to a little-known current so I could float my way out of the triangle’s eddies.

Subsisting on fish and rainwater, I made landfall

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/19/2020:  21:54:55

at Nag’s Head.

A beachcomber offered me

OM45GE - Posted - 03/20/2020:  05:48:44

a hit off an enormous joint, but I politely declined.

He seemed puzzled

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/20/2020:  08:01:32

but didnt realize it was took him 45 seconds to finish a simple question.



I dove into the jellyfishes

Edited by - Peter Vipulis on 03/20/2020 08:02:10

OM45GE - Posted - 03/20/2020:  08:19:57

and welcomed their gentle touch.

Then I bumped into the Portuguese Man ‘O War

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/20/2020:  09:16:35

and felt the wrath of epochs-long resentments.

Being a forgiving sort

OM45GE - Posted - 03/20/2020:  10:47:19

I immediately left the water and lay whimpering on the beach.

A crowd of curious

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/20/2020:  13:59:02

crabs sidled up.

They made me

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/20/2020:  14:15:58

collect empty cans for them to crawl into.

Then they led me to buried treasure

OM45GE - Posted - 03/20/2020:  14:43:26

which was truly the last thing I expected.

Not only did they lead me to the treasure, they

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/20/2020:  14:53:34

gave me a pedicure.

After 8 hours of digging I opened the chest

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/20/2020:  15:13:16

only to find the body of none other than a Jimmy Hoffa.

Police arrived and accused me

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2020:  04:18:06

union busting.

I explained that all I did was

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/21/2020:  07:03:10

follow the crabs who deceived me.

They put me in a padded van

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2020:  07:40:45

and fed me on day-old bread and water for a week.



By then my lawyer

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/21/2020 07:41:01

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2020:  08:30:09

had convinced the authorities that they had the wrong person.

They ran off in pursuit of

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 03/21/2020:  08:36:06

jelly doughnuts and a cup of coffee.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Alice (you remember Alice... there's a song about Alice) had just finished

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2020:  08:38:55

loading up the VW microbus with all the trash.

Officer Obie waited

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2020:  08:42:20

til he was finished his 6 doughnuts, then asked Alice who was driving the microbus.

He was told in no uncertain terms

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2020:  09:06:35

that she had no intention of helping his silly investigations.

That sent him into

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/21/2020:  10:46:03

the kitchen where he put on an apron and began flipping burgers.

Time for a new occupation

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/21/2020:  13:45:40

and, once she fed them, the restaurant shut down by the governor’s order.

So Alice headed home to

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2020:  15:28:13

her palatial estate high in the Berkshires.

Once there she

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2020:  17:07:38

invited the whole ragged band of hippie protest folk singers for dinner.

However, too many protested the

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/21/2020:  20:09:04

bread with gluten so she turned off the water supply.

I watched them hike back down

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2020:  12:34:17

to the village.

They didn’t seem

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2020:  14:37:58

to be protesting anymore, since it was downhill all the way.

Be careful with your saliva

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2020:  17:31:51

is probably good advice but it isn’t very clear to me what is meant by it.

Am I supposed to be careful where I spit or

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/22/2020:  18:27:02

which ice cold metal pole i should lick?



Someone dared me

Edited by - Peter Vipulis on 03/22/2020 18:31:28

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2020:  19:31:12

to put my tongue on a railroad track last January.

The 8:15 special

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/22/2020:  19:47:09

wasn't running that day, so i made $100 off him.

As he walked away I wasn't able to say goodbye

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2020:  05:17:00

coherently bud de dew wad I mend

My friends finally found me and

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/23/2020:  09:58:38

, then they poured blended whisky down my froat.



I wasn’t feeling any pain, so to speak,

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/23/2020 10:00:11

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/23/2020:  09:58:38

I said, "meh i gwah yo heeh. cah yoo geh ee ou?"

We ordered up a storm at Taco Bell

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2020:  10:22:23

and I’m hoping I’ll be able to taste food again someday.

For now I will

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/23/2020:  15:48:40

stuff my mouth with liver and onions and wash it down with celery soda.

Sometimes I forget my breath

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/23/2020:  16:27:01

would kill weeds.

So maybe I’ll

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/23/2020:  16:50:50

brush my teeth.

Maybe it will get rid of my scurvy

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/23/2020:  17:06:35

that I acquired sailing through the Northwest Passage with a mangy crew of auld salty dogs.

We only hit 6 icebergs

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/23/2020:  19:00:26

but managed to keep the ship afloat and escape back to the southeast.

No more arctic sailing for me because